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also [May. 19th, 2008|07:20 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]

i want a puppy. really badly...
see below for the cutest dog ever.


whom ever these people are, they are lucky. lol
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2008|07:17 pm]
Today is a beautiful day. Period.
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2008|01:35 am]
[mood |mellowmellow]

It seems the more I figure out, the less I know for sure. 

My mind's already working as my body is slow to react. Mornings never were good to me. Pulling myself out of bed, Friday's skiing adventures never did treat me well the next day. It seems everything at the moment is methodological. Every day is a puzzle, and I slowly fill it in, piece by piece. I go through my regularities, shower-shampoo-shower again. And of course, pee in the shower. Everyone does it, no one ever admits it, but there is something strangley satisfying about urinating freely in a confined stall. I like to think I'm marking my spot,  so no others may enter. Dressing is always a chore. Thankfully I already thought about what to wear in that 10 minutes of silent time in the shower. Why is the bathroom such a great place to think, or, not to think? I wonder if I am a bathroom Buddah? I suppose it will need further research. As time races against me, I toss myself together, yet another half-assed job (the story of my life it seems). My day perks up as I walk into a gentle winter kiss. The snow slowly falling on my face. I grin and set off to another day of working for the forces of consumerism. Bay street is in full swing, Saturday in the city is always a bit more annoying for those who live here. I walk by endless shoppers, eager to amass even further debt after the Christmas spending spree. I wonder how we do it, live our lives as we slowly sell more and more of ourselves to banks. The average Canadian has over $200,000 of debt. I can't even conceive of such a commitment. It seems life is now just a spread sheet. From the day we are born until the day we day we are just trying to balance our own budget.

Stefano Corp., since 1987.

I wonder how screwed my self-corporation will be after this university fiesta of fun and frolicking is over. I pass the usual crowd of homeless natives in the alley before Bay station and walk into the TTC,  the most terribly run transit system in the world, and I'm off. Its funny how everyone tries to avoid each other. Just for fun, I tried staring at someone, and just found myself looking away after a couple seconds. I think avoidance is built into our genes.  Humans survived for ten thousands years on flight over fight, who am I to change the system? I was suprised though. I'm not one to judge a book by its cover, but I did hold my bag a bit closer when my seat-neighbour to my left sat down. Six-five'ish, 230 pounds of big, black gangster. I'm not racist, just cautious. But for some reason, I really focused in on him. I tried to look past the XXXXL yellow Oakland A's jacket, and the corn rows for a second and see him for whom he was. Luckily I forgot my iPod or else I would have missed it. He was listening to Stan Getz. This, well, thug (for a lack of a better term) was a closet jazz fan. I found myself smiling inside. Maybe everyone wasn't so different after all.

And in this world of labels and terms, people can cut across borders. The old adage is right, never judge a book by its cover. 

I arrive at my station and rush to work. So begins eight and a half hours of highs and lows. So is the nature of customer service. I find the hardest relationships to create are those with your co-workers. Its crucial to keep most of your cards to yourself, be friendly, but also cautious. Every job we're at, there is a game to play. It's easy enough if you really care. I find it's just a chance for someone to be the head douche in a sea of semi douches (me included). But it seems I actually found a friend. Someone truly interesting. A mix or liaise-faire work conduct and interesting conversation. People keep suprising me every day. After 20 years, I feel that I've become so jaded and opaque to things around me. Today was refreshing. Maybe it was the snow. Maybe it was the pain killers. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Whatever the hell it was, today was a decent day. Dare I say a milestone?

No, I dare not dare to say milestone. Maybe a blip on a flat line.

I really need to write here more.
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The Universe is so very, very big. I mean absolutly HUGE. [Jul. 2nd, 2007|04:22 pm]
[mood |lovedloved]

Just like feet like dancin, my fingers feel like typin'. Driving home for 2 hours helps one thing. Life is fruitless and useless and silly. All we do, what we 'create' just fades away. We spend our entire lives chasing something we love, and do we ever really find it? And if we do, what will we do after we've found it. Is there purpose then? Are we even necessary? People travel the world to find what? Make millions to accomplish what? Create peace in one area while war breaks out in the next. Humanity is hopeless. And this, this is how I feel. Hopeless, connected to something I'd rather not be apart of. But even then, we can't even really 'break free', because whether its Toronto, Canada or Tokyo, Japan nothings changes. Life doesn't get better, or  worse. We are still firmly planted into this human quagmire. The absolute futility of life is staggering, and we spend every second closer to non-existence. Why are we here? And better yet, why should we be here?

On a better note, though life is becoming throughly discouraging, my connections..(mhmm) sees to be growing. For better or worse, I feel once again that  I have that connection. Something which has been alluding me for a bit now. I look forward, and I smile. There is, at the very least, one good thing in life then.

Righto. Carry on then.
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Fuck you words, fit onto my scrabble board. [Apr. 26th, 2007|06:19 am]
[mood |crankycranky]
[music |Imperial Death March]

"I love New York Deli's man, but there is just too much meat! It's like a cow, with a cracker on both sides"--Mitch Hedburg

So its 6:20ish at the moment, been sleeping fitfully, and now watching starwars (i think im on the 23rd time? i need a life). Now that im into episode 2 (or FIVE for all you numerically correct bitches out there) im really beginning to think that Luke is Jesus.  And its not just the devil-may-care/i like pot mid 70's hair cut, but its the fact hes there to save the freakkin universe. Maybe this is how it will all end, 5000 years from now, in a galaxy far-far away. Maybe lucas is the modern day Nostradamus (spelled wrong? sure, i think so) and he just explicitly described how it will all come to be. Speaking of coming to be, summer is fast approaching, and i dont want it too. damn earth and its rotational axis around the suns gravitational pull and a POX on the seasons. BA-HUMBUG! Anywaysss, Starwars. You know what I'm not looking forward too? The Harry Potter/ Lord of the Rings nerds when they grow up, and make the big move into their parents basement. At least the starwars nerds were cool and had this aura of uncharted nerd-territory that I can respect. I am NOT looking forward to fat-balding men (and women, i cant be sexist!) running around in robes and hats in 20 years shouting spells at eachother. thats going to a bright freaakkkin future. And you know what else GRINDS MY GEARS? The fact im watching starwars @ 6:30 (time has passed since i started writing this shitty, sleep deprived, spelling error ridden rant about i totally forget now) and sleep is avoiding me. I am going to find that Sandman sob and beat the shit out of him 'til he brings me a dream....or else.
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.. [Jan. 25th, 2007|08:23 pm]
"one of these things is not like the other...one of these things just doesn't belong"- vito. "hey timmy, can you guess what doesnt belong?...Pig.....Pig....Cow.....Pig.." "Ummmmm, the cow?" "wrong timmy, the second pig. It does not have a curly tail. I hope you're good at plumbing."- me.

More randomness that would sound alot funnier on drugs.
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ack du lieber! [Jan. 18th, 2007|04:32 pm]
You know what I want to know? When those lazy effing scientists are going to find the missing 7 elements. Im tired of looking at a half complete periodic table. Gosh. Anyways. Strugglestreugglestrugglestruggle through yet another semister. All is well. And if it isn't well, all will be well one day.
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plowing the dark. [Jan. 4th, 2007|01:24 am]
[mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[music |The Yeah Yeah Yeah's- maps]

I wish I was a hero in one of my action novels. Apart from their rugged good looks and seemingly constant charisma and charm, they always seem to know the way. They don't fret about the future, they embrace it as it comes. Living for the present still seems alien to me. Even after all my spontaneity, and lack of long term planning skills. I have always known where i wanted to go and then end up. But... things change. I dont have to re-write my life, i just have to make some changes. And quite frankly, this is one change I am sure I can live with, especially to live for the moment.
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so this is christmas. [Dec. 24th, 2006|01:06 am]
[Current Location |home.]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

i tried to go the cemetery today to see my pops, but instead of the quiet peaceful tranquility of the mausoleum, it was home to weeping people. well. yay for the Christmas season. i love how it brings joy into the hearts of all. moving forwards, i really don't think last minute Christmas shopping is a bad thing. it doesn't mean you don't care about the person your getting the gift for...the only problem with last minute shopping is frenzied last minute shoppers. being at best buy today was like being at a shelter after a nuclear bomb went off. everyone was in a panic! over Christmas gifts! its understandable that people shop last minute (everything is else is done last minute...i do it too) but is the madness necessary? this is definatly a Christmas of quiet pondering for me. also, why do catholics (like my mom) who never go to church all year round find is IMPERATIVE to go on Christmas? Its not like god is going to give you a free pass to heaven because you stuck yourself in a church for 45 minutes once a year for your entire life. and if you just really want to go to church...go after Christmas, when only 30 people show up and really listen to the priest, rather then stare at the back of some dudes head cause you cant get a seat cause there are 4000 people in a church built for 100. but the bitching is done. on a whole...Christmas is a nice time of year..usually there is snow, you get to see extended family, and its a time to give and take. never a horrid time, never a great time. It needs a new slogan, "Christmas, its the mediocre holiday."
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woahh. whoops. [Dec. 20th, 2006|01:43 pm]
as a kid, i dropped acid, and it expanded my mind. but it also fucked with my ability to post things, lol. heres the url for the 2004 just for laughs comdey festival w/mitch. enjoy.

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